Monthly Archives: March 2016

Many of us do an excellent job of taking care of everyone else, yet neglecting our own needs. In fact, many people actually feel guilty about doing things for themselves, especially if it means they might have to say “no” to the need of another, even temporarily, to do so. However, what many people don’t realize is that those people who must take care of others, whether their family, or their business, can be more effective at being the caretaker if they care for themselves first. After all, as the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.

Here are three reasons why you need to make time for yourself and make your own needs a priority.

1. You can avoid burnout. None of us can go on indefinitely without taking a little time away. Eventually, your lack of attention to yourself will result in poor decisions, frustration or giving up on your goals. By taking a little bit of time for yourself regularly, you can stay recharged.

2. You can look at problems with a fresh eye. When you take a little time away, you can often find perspective on your biggest problems when you come back to them. Very often, the things that seem impossible to solve or catastrophic seem much less problematic once you’ve stepped away for a little while.

3. You can help others more genuinely. When you are constantly meeting only the needs of others, you can begin to resent those who depend on you. Once you’ve given yourself a chance to have a little personal down time, you’ll find you are able to take care of others happily again.

Giving yourself down time doesn’t always mean doing something radical. Sometimes taking a moment to enjoy a glass of wine before moving on to your next task can be the break you need. Rediscovering an old hobby you’ve neglected can help to refresh your mind. Having a date night with your significant other or reading a book just for fun are also ways you can recharge and take care of yourself. Do whatever works for you….but make it a point to make your own needs as much of a priority as the needs of others in your life.

There are many techniques you can use to increase your chances of meeting your goals and being successful in your endeavors. Things like organization, keeping a calendar and learning to prioritize are all important skills when it comes to making the most of your time to ensure you complete the activities that will make you successful. But, there is one activity that you might be neglecting that could have a powerful effect on achieving your goals. This activity is visualization.

Simply put, visualization involves imagining yourself achieving your goal. Imagine how you will feel, look, or what specific qualities will exist when you have reached the goal you’ve set. For example, if your goal is losing weight, you might visualize yourself in the perfect outfit at the perfect size, or imagine yourself being able to run a mile, or reach the finish line of a marathon. If business success is your goal, you might imagine winning a business award, reaching a certain revenue, or having an office full of employees. Seeing yourself having what you desire can help you achieve it.

Here’s why.
Your brain has the capacity to grow and develop. When you learn something, you change your brain. This is something you likely already know. What you may not know, however, is that your brain, as powerful as it is, cannot distinguish between actually experiencing something and imagining it.
According to a research paper by the Coaching Academy on neuroscience and visualization, “if you exercise an idea over and over (in your mind) your brain will begin to respond as though the idea was a real object in the world”.* As your brain visualizes the achievement of something, it is training itself for the actual achievement. The longer you do it, the easier it is to visualize, and the more likely you are to take the other steps needed to make the goal happen. And, there’s other science to suggest that the mere act of visualization actually moves you toward your goal.

A study at the Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio compared people who worked out at a gym with people who had virtual workouts in their minds. They found that those who actually worked out showed a 30% increase in muscle strength, as might be expected. However, those who engaged only in regular virtual workouts showed a muscle strength increase of 13.5%.*

So, as you’re making your list of tasks for reaching your goals; don’t forget to include visualization of yourself achieving that goal in your daily routine. It just might help you get there faster and easier.

*www.activeacuity.com

Your own beliefs and internal voices have a powerful influence on your present and future achievements. We’ve often heard the adage, “if you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right”, and this truth can affect us more often than we may realize. One way to look at your beliefs and see where you can improve is to examine your mindset. Do you have a “fixed” mindset, or a “growth” mindset.

A “fixed ”mindset means that you inherently believe that your talents, skills and intelligence are fixed traits. You believe you already have all of these assets you will possess. On the other hand, a “growth” mindset means that you believe that these talents and abilities can be developed through effort, and that new talents and abilities can be learned.

Maybe you’ve never examined your mindset, and never thought about whether you believe your traits are fixed or malleable, but it can pay to work on developing a growth mindset. As you go through life, there will be new skills you will want and need to learn, and your mindset will have a big impact on whether or not you’ll actually learn and develop these new skills.

I will give you a simple example from a client of mine. Helen had never had any natural artistic ability when it comes to drawing or painting. She tried a few times as a kid, and quickly internalized the fact that the subjects were fairly unrecognizable compared to that of her peers. So, she chalked it up to something she wasn’t good at and moved on. She developed a very fixed mindset about her artistic abilities.

Recently, a friend of Helen’s convinced her to attend one of those “sip and stroke” parties at an art gallery, where a teacher instructs the class on how to complete a painting. She was prepared for a disaster, but went along to have some fun. The teacher deconstructed each aspect of creating the painting they were assigned for the evening, showing them how to complete it step by step. Helen had a great time, and at the end of the night was pretty amazed at her painting. It was a reasonable rendering of the intended picture, and she could see a definite reflection of her own style in my painting. Helen was happy with it, and it hangs on her wall.

Helen doesn’t have any delusions that she might be the next Picasso. But, she now has a growth mindset about painting. She can be taught, and can get better. So, she will try again. The very fact that Helen will try again guarantees that she will become more adept at painting than she ever would have if she had never decided to try.

Take this simple example and apply it to something in your life that you really want to accomplish. Take a look at how you have viewed your skills in this area and how much faith you have put in your ability to improve those skills. If you have a fixed mindset about anything that you wish to accomplish, you are holding yourself back.

As a business leader, it’s likely that you spend most of your time focused on your day to day actions. Of course, this is important, but it can be just as important to ensure you’re having the right thoughts throughout the day, as well. When was the last time you examined your daily thoughts?

Your inner voice has a powerful effect on your overall attitude and outlook. If you are constantly having negative thoughts, you could be setting yourself up for a number of unhappy experiences. Negative thoughts can contribute to the following bad habits:

• Procrastination – If you’re constantly telling yourself that your work doesn’t matter, or that the outcome will probably not be what you want, you’ll likely find many reasons to put off getting that work done.

• Stress – Constantly dwelling on the negative or assuming that the worst will happen creates stress, which can lead to many different emotional and physical health issues.

• Negative Effect on Others – If your inner voice is making you feel negative about yourself and your work, your attitude is likely visible to others, at least in subtle ways. Even if you don’t voice your negativity, you are likely putting out a “negative vibe” to others. This can demotivate employees and affect your personal relationships, too.

Check Yourself
Take the time to write down the negative thoughts that plague your mind. Then, write down the thoughts you should use to replace the negative ones. Keep the list where you can see it for a few days. Whenever you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, force yourself to replace them with the kinder words on the list. It will take some discipline on your part, but you will find, over time that you have reprogrammed your brain to be more positive in your thoughts and outlook. When you reach this point, you should find yourself happier and sporting a much more positive outlook on life.

One of the hallmarks of a successful person is perseverance. The most successful people have proven themselves to be able to meet their goals simply because they do not give up easily on those goals. They show the discipline and commitment to continue to move forward toward a goal even after making several failed attempts and even when the odds may seem impossible.
However, there are times when it doesn’t make sense to continue to pursue a goal. Making the decision to stop working toward a goal is often very difficult for people who are accustomed to always reaching the goals they set. Here are some tips to help you know when it’s time to take a new direction:

• You’re pursuing it only because you said you would. If you’ve lost your passion for a project, it’s time to reevaluate whether you should continue to pursue the goal. For a goal to be worth continuing to pursue it is important to know that you will still find fulfillment in achieving it.

• It is no longer financially feasible. If you’ve begun a business or project and determined that it doesn’t make financial sense to continue. You should pursue another path or begin to recognize it as a hobby.

• It infringes on things that are more important. If you have found that reaching your goal requires that you put in so much time that you neglect things that, in the long run are even more important, it’s time to reevaluate. It may not require completely giving up on your goal, but rather reorganizing your life and changing your timeline, so that you can move forward at a pace that allows you to keep up with the other important things in your life.

Giving up on a goal is never easy for those who are accustomed to always reaching their goals. However, sometimes it takes more character to know when to change direction than to continue to pursue a goal that is no longer appropriate for your life.