Monthly Archives: October 2020

In both personal and work relationships, knowing a difficult conversation is on the horizon can create a lot of stress and anxiety. The more conflict-avoidant you are, or the greater the concern for the other person’s reaction, the greater the level of dread and avoidance.

There are some tips to use when faced with these types of situations. Preparing yourself, choosing the place, and considering how you react during the communication can help to make even challenging conversations much less stressful.

Inner Preparation

The key to inner preparation for a difficult conversation is to be clear on what you want to convey. Take the time to write down the central points or focus areas in the conversation, and consider why they are important.

It is also essential to avoid minimizing issues or being vague about specific concerns. Vague messages may appear to the other person as unsubstantiated or of little importance, which creates a mixed message and leads to confusion and defensiveness.

It is helpful to visualize the conversation the way you want it to unfold. See and hear yourself in addressing the issue, actively listening to the other person, and generating possible solutions together. This exercise can also help you to have any documentation you need on hand when you start the actual conversation.

Choose the Location

Look for a place that offers privacy for a difficult conversation. Privacy eliminates the need for the other person to “save face” in front of colleagues. It also lends itself to more open communication.

Make sure the area is free from distractions and offers a neutral space. Calling an employee into your office if you are a leader can put them on the defensive or intimidate them in providing insight and options for a solution.

Ask Meaningful Questions

Telling the individual what the meeting is about in neutral language and then asking their insight prevents an immediate defensive response or an argument. Stating why you are meeting, “We are meeting today to discuss attendance” is less aggressive than, “Why are you always calling in sick?”.

Listen attentively to their response, and avoid trying to formulate your next question or rebuttal to their comments. Use their own words to reflect the message you hear, and ask for more information to help you to get a better perspective from their point of view.

Share your perspective on the issue and be prepared to answer questions from the other person. Do not react or become personally attached to your “side” of the story as being the only truth to the issue.

Work Collaboratively to Solve the Issue

Asking the other person for ideas on solutions after you have exchanged information and have a picture of the issue. By inviting a collaborative solution that addresses their needs and your needs, the relationship grows rather than stops.

Listening to others and not requiring them to comply with your decision, whenever possible, is a good way to set the tone for future positive and proactive conversations.

While you may not be consciously listening to your little inner voice, there is an ongoing dialogue running through your mind. Think of this as your life’s narrator. However, this narrator doesn’t just report on what you are doing; it also offers commentary.

Depending on your past, your focus on developing your inner presence, and your ability to tap into your emotions, thoughts, and beliefs, this inner voice may be providing positive, motivating, and uplifting commentary, or it may be critical, self-defeating, and negative.

The type of inner monologue listened to day in and day out has an impact on your self-esteem. It creates a mental image of how we see ourselves, our capacity to change, and our capability to do great things. People with high self-esteem and positive inner voices make different choices than people who have negative inner voices. Negative messages will impact your ability to do the things you want and to meet and exceed your personal goals and expectations.

Listen to Your Voice  

The first step in determining if you are planting positive or negative seeds in your mind is to really listen for your inner voice. When something good happens, do you hear the words “you worked hard and deserve this,” or do you hear something negative such as “you know you don’t deserve this.”

Listen carefully to the thoughts that are voiced when you look in the mirror, meet someone new, or try something different. Are those thoughts positive and encouraging, or are they limiting and negative?

Support Your Inner Cheerleader

Turning negative thoughts around and reprogramming your inner commentator is a simple way to create positive energy, motivation, and support for anything you try to do.

Tap into your inner monologue and listen for words like “can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, don’t, no or not.” When you hear these negative statements, make the conscious effort to say:

• I can do this
• I believe in my abilities/talents/skills
• I have this handled
• I trust myself

It is also helpful to mentally replay a time when you succeeded, excelled, or surprised yourself with a positive outcome that exceeded your expectations.

Look for Contradictions in Thinking

A key component for the negative inner dialogue is distortions or contradictions in thoughts. For example, the inner dialogue may see everything as bad, while there may be positives in the situation. The inner thought process tends to think in all-or-none types of patterns, which is inconsistent with the possibilities.

It is also common for the inner voice to exaggerate or catastrophize situations. Turning this around and looking at the reality of the situation and bringing it back into focus helps to set a positive tone of the potential for the future.

From the initial few weeks of the COVID-19 pandemic to articles published today, the focus seems to be in planning to bounce back to our pre-COVID routines, business practices, and daily routines. While the phrase bounce back is familiar to most, it may not be what you, your business, and your family need to prioritize.

There have been significant changes in life since the spring of 2020. While these changes seemed strange and stressful early on, they have now become a part of life. While some of these changes, such as wearing masks and maintaining a six-foot social distance, are not going to continue into the long-term future, some of the changes are effective and should be kept and improved upon.

A great term for this is to bounce forward. Think of the bounce forward as a way to continue on with the innovations, changes, and upgrades to our lives that have occurred over this last year. Some of these changes have the power to expand our lives in ways that would not be possible if we all decide to bounce back.

Personal Interactions

Many people have a stronger connection to extended and immediate family, friends, colleagues, and even people around the world with similar interests. Focusing on making the time to send an email, chat online, or get in a Zoom meeting with coworkers, associates, clients, friends, and family has created the potential to reach out and show care and compassion for others.

It is also more common to use online video chat programs when talking to customers and business associates. This ability to see and hear people enhances relationships and builds stronger networks, all without the need to travel and be on the road.

Remote Work

Many types of businesses are still offering employees the option to work from home. In the past, businesses were hesitant to offer remote work opportunities for staff due to concerns with productivity, security, and communication.

One of the big takeaways or bounce forward moments for businesses of all sizes and types was the effectiveness of remote work. Offering this to employees will be instrumental in creating family-friendly workplace cultures that attract exceptional candidates looking for this option.

Streamlining Processes

Another bounce forward issue for many companies is the streamlining of processes throughout the business. Extra or unnecessary meetings, hundreds of hours in travel, the cost of flights and fuel, and even the distribution of printed material around the office has been eliminated.

This not only helped with productivity, but it also helped to reduce the operating costs. People discovered alternatives to the traditional way of doing business, resulting in a significant decrease in expenses and a greater level of efficiency.

Sleep is one of the most important factors in physical and mental health. Unfortunately, most people do not take the time and effort to allow their body and brain the time needed to rejuvenate and energize. In most cases, this can be easily corrected by prioritizing a good night’s sleep.

While it is commonly thought that everyone needs eight hours of sleep, there is actually much more variation. Adults tend to require some amount of sleep between seven and nine hours, and finding the optimal amount for each person is helpful when developing a healthy sleep routine.

Sleep Deprivation is Real

Failing to get enough sleep creates what is known as a sleep debt. This can be offset or balanced by sleeping a bit longer the next night. However, if the debt continually grows and is not offset in a day or two, the body and brain go into a sleep deprivation mode.

People experiencing chronic sleep deprivation can have many different symptoms. Common issues linked to a lack of sleep including mood and emotional disorders, high blood pressure, diabetes, decreased mental abilities (problem solving, memory, concentration) as well as an increased risk of obesity and sleep disorder problems. Finally, individuals with sleep deprivation experience higher safety-related injuries, both at work as well as in the home.

Getting into a Sleep Routine

Developing a routine to go to sleep is an effective way to signal your brain and your body it is time to doze off. This routine or ritual helps to pre-set relaxation and have your body primed to let go and close your eyes.

To help get started, here are some basics:

• Have a set sleep and wake time
• Make your bedroom comfortable and welcoming
• Reduce light and noise in the bedroom
• Keep the bedroom temperature cool
• Take a break from watching a screen (computer or tv) at least 30 minutes before bed.
• Consider calming music, listen to a guided meditation or a relaxation exercise
• Try having a hot bath, reading a good book, or enjoying some calming music before bed.

There are also some things to avoid:

• Avoid caffeine or alcohol before going to bed
• Avoid watching TV in the bedroom
• Do not read in bed and reserve the bed for sleeping
• Avoid intensive or prolonged exercise for several hours before bed
• Limit mentally stimulating activities before bed
• Consider meditation or mindfulness exercises to relieve stress and anxiety before getting into bed

Staying up late and getting work completed may be a necessity of life, but it should be a rare occurrence. The more routine and regular your sleep, the more productive you will be when you are awake. Higher productivity in the day results in less need to work into the night, creating a positive, healthy change in your life.