Posts tagged “inner voice”

If you gave your inner genius as much credence as your inner critic, you would be light years ahead of where you now stand.

~Alen Cohen

Everyone has an inner critic that is constantly chattering somewhere in our brain. It is that voice that challenges everything we do, points out our smallest mistake over and over again, and seems determined to focus on everything that we have done wrong in the past, are doing wrong in the present, and will do wrong in the future.

The inner critic is not going to go away, but we can learn to control this aspect of ourselves through a strategic approach. The inner critic is the source of negative thoughts that lead to negative self-talk. The more we focus on what we cannot do correctly, at least according to our inner critic, the lower our self-confidence and motivation to try new things.

Recognizing the inner critic’s message is the first step. When you have self-talk that sounds like:

• I am bad/wrong/lazy/weak/etc
• I am not worthy of love or relationships
• People are against me
• Nobody respects me
• I cannot do this

When you hear these thoughts in your mind, step up to the plate and challenge your inner critic.

Acknowledge the Message

Rather than trying to banish your inner critic, bring the thought to light and examine it closely. Ask yourself why you are feeling this way, what evidence you have to support this, and what evidence do you have that this is not correct.

Write out a list of beliefs from your inner critic and the reality of the situation. If the inner critic says you cannot do this, write down examples of things you have accomplished. This allows us to put the incorrect information from the inner critic in perspective.

Be Kind to Yourself

When you find yourself becoming self-critical, stop and give yourself a compassionate or positive message. These are sometimes called affirmations or positive self-talk. Over time, people can replace their harsh inner critic with a more self-accepting voice. Repeat these compassionate and positive thoughts as part of a morning and evening routine.

Step Away

When your inner critic starts yelling, turning to something you enjoy and that takes your mind off the message is a productive choice. Call a friend, play a game, read a great book, sing along to your favorite music, or spend time with family in fun and uplifting conversations.

Your inner critic is not you. Recognizing the difference and learning to muffle or silence your inner critic opens up a positive and creative side of your life.

Think back to when you were a child. Everything seemed possible. Even the biggest possible accomplishment or task seemed like something you could tackle. Kids seem fearless and limitless in their capacity to try new things without any fear of failure or self-doubt in their ability to accomplish their goals.

Now, fast forward to your life today. Do you still feel that sense of limitless possibilities? Do you immediately see the opportunities in front of you and eagerly get started, or do you find yourself holding back or even talking yourself out of doing something new?

What is the difference between how we approached things as a kid and how we look at things as an adult? One of the big differences is that we all develop an inner critic as we age and have different experiences. This inner voice or inner critic is a pessimist. It is always focused on the glass being half empty. Over time, and as some of the things we tried had different outcomes than we wanted, our inner critic gathered data and real-world examples to replay in our minds over and over again.

Banishing the Inner Critic

Unfortunately, the inner critic is not helpful. The inner critic is not the voice of reason or the voice that protects you from taking unnecessary risks. The inner critic is the voice that sabotages and derails opportunities by creating doubt and lowering a sense of self-esteem and self-actualization.

The inner critic message is only one possible message. There is also an inner chearleader and an inner optimist with equally impressive messages. We are more likely to tune into our inner critic, but this is a habit that we can change.

When you hear the inner critic begin to share a message of negativity, act immediately. It is important to recognize this message as a distortion or fear of making a change or trying something new. It is not reality; it is one negative view of reality.

Listening to the negative message the inner critic delivers only creates self-doubt and lower levels of self-confidence. As soon as you realize the inner critic is speaking, you can:

• Label the voice – acknowledging this is the inner critic with a negative message is the first step.
• Do a reality check – ask yourself if this is reality or perception or fear rising in your mind. Recognizing this is a “what if” rather than reality allows you to build a positive message.
• Look for evidence – keeping a list of accomplishments, personal success stories, and things you feel good about in life is an effective way to shut down the inner critic
• Develop a positive message to replace the negative message.
• Explore ways to improve professionally and personally.

The most effective way to silence your inner critic is to have self-confidence. Be sure to celebrate successes and positive changes, even small events, to banish the negative messages of self-doubt and uncertainty.

While you may not be consciously listening to your little inner voice, there is an ongoing dialogue running through your mind. Think of this as your life’s narrator. However, this narrator doesn’t just report on what you are doing; it also offers commentary.

Depending on your past, your focus on developing your inner presence, and your ability to tap into your emotions, thoughts, and beliefs, this inner voice may be providing positive, motivating, and uplifting commentary, or it may be critical, self-defeating, and negative.

The type of inner monologue listened to day in and day out has an impact on your self-esteem. It creates a mental image of how we see ourselves, our capacity to change, and our capability to do great things. People with high self-esteem and positive inner voices make different choices than people who have negative inner voices. Negative messages will impact your ability to do the things you want and to meet and exceed your personal goals and expectations.

Listen to Your Voice  

The first step in determining if you are planting positive or negative seeds in your mind is to really listen for your inner voice. When something good happens, do you hear the words “you worked hard and deserve this,” or do you hear something negative such as “you know you don’t deserve this.”

Listen carefully to the thoughts that are voiced when you look in the mirror, meet someone new, or try something different. Are those thoughts positive and encouraging, or are they limiting and negative?

Support Your Inner Cheerleader

Turning negative thoughts around and reprogramming your inner commentator is a simple way to create positive energy, motivation, and support for anything you try to do.

Tap into your inner monologue and listen for words like “can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, don’t, no or not.” When you hear these negative statements, make the conscious effort to say:

• I can do this
• I believe in my abilities/talents/skills
• I have this handled
• I trust myself

It is also helpful to mentally replay a time when you succeeded, excelled, or surprised yourself with a positive outcome that exceeded your expectations.

Look for Contradictions in Thinking

A key component for the negative inner dialogue is distortions or contradictions in thoughts. For example, the inner dialogue may see everything as bad, while there may be positives in the situation. The inner thought process tends to think in all-or-none types of patterns, which is inconsistent with the possibilities.

It is also common for the inner voice to exaggerate or catastrophize situations. Turning this around and looking at the reality of the situation and bringing it back into focus helps to set a positive tone of the potential for the future.

Everyone has had the experience of being excited about a new project, new challenge, or a new promotion, only to have a little voice in their head start to create doubt. This often starts with thoughts about being in “over my head” or lacking the education, the experience, or perhaps the expertise to get the job done.

This negative voice or monologue in our heads is something that is often called an inner critic. For some, it is a relatively infrequent experience, while for others, it can become a pervasive way of thinking that limits your willingness to try new things and to challenge yourself to be the best you can be.

The inner critic in your head is a toxic voice. It is not the voice of caution or reason, and unless we can identify it and change the message, it will impact our self-esteem, self-assurance, and our ability to challenge ourselves or to take steps forward in our careers or our professional endeavors. Keep in mind, the more we hear something, regardless of its accuracy, the more likely we are to accept it as the truth.

Is Your Inner Critic Over-Active?

In some cases, the inner voice that is questioning or critical is actually helpful. For example, if you want to go to the gym every day and you try to justify to yourself why you are not going to go, the inner critic may call you out, helping you to stay on track and meet your goal. On the other hand, if the inner voice starts a monologue about how you have tried to go to the gym before and it didn’t work, this may limit you from making the effort, creating a self-defeating message.

Negative self-talk can create stress and anxiety. It can also create distortions in how you see yourself and your abilities on a personal or professional level. It can  talk you out of trying for promotions, taking advanced classes or degrees, or sharing creative ideas with the team for fear of criticism or rejection.

Taming Your Inner Critic

The first big step is to become aware of the negative inner talk in your mind. Isolate the message and reality test what your inner critic is saying. For example, if the inner critic says you won’t go to the gym, take your time and argue your case. Tell yourself why you will go to the gym, how you will support your goals, and how you can tap into other resources, such as a workout buddy, to help you to stay on track.

This is effective in both challenging the negative message, as well as creating a positive, planned, alternative message. This message can be repeated on a daily basis, helping to build a more realistic and beneficial inner perspective about yourself. This is a skill that anyone can use, and it is very effective at stopping that inner critic and building up your self-awareness and confidence in your abilities.  

Most of us have no bigger critic than ourselves. We can have nine successes and a single failure, and the failure will be what we remember every time. These negative messages we send ourselves can be extremely detrimental and can hold us back from achieving our goals and being our best selves. That’s why it’s so important not to believe everything you tell yourself.

When you’re dealing with information about others, you generally look for the facts before making a judgment. Yet, we are quick to accept incorrect negative self-talk. The next time you start critiquing yourself, apply the facts to your critique. Here are some questions to ask.

1.  Is it true? Are you really failing, or lazy, or less competent than others? I bet not. In fact, I bet if you met yourself disguised as someone else, you’d think you were pretty cool. Look at the facts of all you’ve accomplished before you accept your own negative messages.
2.  Are you comparing yourself to others unfairly? Another trap we often fall into is comparison. Someone else has probably accomplished more than you, or accomplished what you desire in a shorter time frame. These may be facts, but these don’t really apply to you and what you wish to accomplish because it isn’t a contest. As long as you are moving forward toward your goals, there’s no reason to compare your timing to that of anyone else. In addition, it’s not uncommon to judge yourself more harshly for a mistake than you would judge anyone else.
3.  Write down positive statements. Take the time to write down your accomplishments and your positive characteristics. When you feel like you aren’t good enough, or accomplishing enough, pull out those statements and remind yourself of how great you really are. Many therapists recommend speaking your accomplishments and positive qualities out loud to yourself in the mirror, as well.

Negative patterns of self-talk get in the way of your happiness, your self-esteem and your ability to accomplish your goals. Remember to ensure what you say about yourself is true, and that you don’t judge yourself more harshly than you would others in the same situation. Being fair to yourself is just as important as being fair to others.