Six Pillars of Self Esteem – The Practice of Living 3, 4 & 5

As a coach, I often get asked the question “What do you think the biggest take away is for the people that you have coached?”  Obviously it varies from person to person, and the most common feedback I hear is coaches say they have more self confidence and a higher level of self esteem.  I know for me personally this is true as well.  Several years ago I read the book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden. The information in this book has stayed with me and has helped influence my coaching style. The June blogs will highlight each of the pillars and provide an exercise at the end of each one.

Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – The practice of living:

Pillar # 3 – Self-responsibility

• Willingness to take responsibility for your actions and the attainment of your goals.

• To practice self-responsibility is to think for your self.  To think for your self is to live consciously, to exercise one’s own mind

• Only take responsibility for the things you can control.  If you hold yourself responsible for matters beyond your control, you jeopardize your self-esteem since you will fail to be conscious about reality and will fail to meet your expectations.

• Evading responsibility inflicts wounds on your self-esteem.  Accepting responsibility builds self-esteem

• It isn’t what you think, it’s what you know.

Exercise for Pillar #3

Complete the sentence: Self Responsibility means to me…  

Complete the sentence: When I avoid responsibility for my own existence…

Pillar #4 – Self-assertiveness 

·         Honoring you wants, needs and values and seeking appropriate forms of their expression in reality.

·         To have the right to exist.

·         To know your life belongs to you.

·         To have the courage to be who you are.  The aim is for self-expression not self-justification.

·         One way to build self-esteem – be assertive when it is not easy to do so.

Exercise for Pillar #4

Complete the sentence: Self Assertiveness means to me…  

Complete the sentence: If I had the courage to treat my wants and needs as important

Pillar # 5 – Living purposefully

·         To use our powers for the attainment of goals.  This will energize our existence.

·         To live purposefully means to live at a high level of consciousness.

·         To live without purpose is to live at the mercy of change – we have no standard by which to judge what is or is not worth doing.  No initiative of our own to set a specific course.  We are reactive rather than proactive.

·         The root of our self-esteem is not our achievements but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve.

·         It is the process of achieving that makes us productive and productive work builds our self-esteem.

·         The purposes that move us need to be specific if they are to be realized.  This way we can monitor our progress, compare our intentions with results, modify your strategy or tactics in response to new information (reality and being open to this new information), and being accountable for the results you produce.

·         We need to know what we want and where we wish to go.

·         To live and act by intention.

Exercise for Pillar #5

Complete the sentence: Living Purposefully means to me…  

Complete the sentence: If any of what I have been writing is true, it might be helpful if I…