As an individual in a leadership, management, or team member role, there may be times when you feel the need to provide unsolicited feedback to someone in your organization. There may also be times when you are given unsolicited feedback from a colleague, executive, or even a team member or employee.

Finding a way to diplomatically handle both giving and receiving unsolicited feedback is not always easy. However, having a strategy in place for both helps avoid awkward or even disruptive issues while at work.

Giving Feedback

The first step in giving unsolicited feedback to someone else in any organization is to consider if the feedback is essential at this particular point in time. If it is essential to provide the feedback to the individual, be sure to make it free from any words that are judgmental or make assumptions about the other person.

It is a good idea to ask if you can provide feedback or advice. This should be done in a way that provides the individual the option to say no or not right now. For example, you might say, ” I would like to find out more about how you compiled this report. Do you have some time to talk and look at some options moving forward?”

It is always best to consider the individual and work with them where they are comfortable. Typically, providing unsolicited feedback in front of others is never a good idea, especially if you are aware this may be an area of sensitivity for the other person.

Be prepared for the person to say they do not want your input or advice. If this is the response, honor their wishes and keep the suggestions, insight, advice, and feedback to yourself.

Receiving Unsolicited Feedback

While you may be respectful of other people in the workplace and request to provide feedback, honoring their wishes not to continue if they say no, do not expect everyone will use this approach.

In most cases, people providing unsolicited feedback are most likely trying to help or trying to provide options to make something easier. It is always helpful to consider the advice or feedback from that perspective rather than jumping to the conclusion they are trying to undermine you or “show you up.”

If someone provides unsolicited feedback, even if you have said “no,” consider simply replying with a “Thanks, I will consider that.” This not only ends the conversation but it prevents the risk of escalating the issue if you are feeling hurt or attacked.

Finally, consider the source of the feedback. If it is from a person in a management or leadership position, consider following up and getting more information if you are not clear. If the feedback is from a colleague, consider the benefits of using the feedback or not using the feedback, and be comfortable and confident in proceeding forward based on this reflection.

One of the most uncomfortable conversations for most employees is going to their boss to talk about a problem or an issue at work. Often these problems or issues are about other employees or perhaps even other managers, which can create anxiety and stress just thinking about the conversation.

In some cases, the manager may already be aware of the problem, while in others, it may be something that is completely new. Regardless of how informed or uniformed your manager may be, there are specific steps that you can take to prepare yourself for the conversation and to ensure you share the information that is important.

Choose a Time Wisely

Most managers have times of the day when they are more likely to have time to talk. If you have the ability to schedule a meeting, try to book those times. First thing in the morning or at the start of a shift is often a better time for a manager than at the end of the day or the shift. Scheduling or requesting a meeting time respects the manager’s time and also allows you to prepare for the discussion rather than just walking in without a plan.

Try to avoid invading the manager’s lunch or break, or perhaps asking if you could step out of the office for lunch is a good way to address the problem. This option depends on your workplace and your relationship with the manager.

Detail the Problem – Not the Individual

Talking about the problem without passing judgment on the motives or intentions of the other person or people involved helps to clearly illustrate the issue. It is critical to take the time to review this in your head, or even write it down, to add the details and the information to illustrate and define the problem.

Trying to make the other person look bad is counterproductive and can lead to your boss seeing the complaint as a personality issue or conflict. Be willing to talk about your behaviors as well, and plan for questions.

Think About Solutions 

One of the most effective ways to show your boss you are sincere in wanting to address the problem is to have some solutions to suggest. Think these through and consider how the solution fits with any specific policies or protocols in the company, how it would impact other staff, and how it actually resolves the conflict, issue, or problem.

Keep the discussion short and to the point, and be positive and open to answering questions and providing more information. Be open to talking to the other’s involved, and in working to develop a solution that works for everyone.

Everyone has had the experience of knowing they need to talk to someone about an issue that is sure to cause conflict, negative emotional responses, and even discomfort for one or both parties to the conversation.

In most of these situations, the person initiating the conversation spends a significant amount of time dreading the interaction. This typically includes imagining all the issues that can arise, and anticipating all the negative comments, denials, or challenges that the discussion may cause. This time spent in anticipating the worst case scenario only drives up the anxiety around the conversation and limits how effective you can be in presenting the information.

There is a better and more effective way to approach these difficult conversations. Through preparation and direct communication, everyone involved can be encouraged to express ideas, to address conflict in a proactive and productive way, and to avoid making an already stressful situation much worse.

Take the time spent worrying about the “what ifs” and instead focus that time on the following:

• Clear Message – what is the clear, precise message you want the other person to hear? Another way to think if this is the objective of the conversation, and it needs to be clear in your mind before you start the discussion. What information do you need to get, what information do you need to give to the other person, and what facts do you need to have? What actionable items do you want to have confirmation on at the end of the conversation?
  

• What is the issue – having precise, objective, and behavior-focused language to describe the behavior provides a starting point for a discussion that is less likely to be taken as a personal attack. For example, starting the conversation by telling an employee he or she is creating a “hostile environment” is more likely to be countered with a defensive statement or a denial compared to stating the observable behavior such as raised voices in the workplace.
  

• Be in a calm mindset – if you are anxious about the conversation, this comes across as clearly readable by the other person, which results in boosting their anxiety levels. Schedule the conversation first thing in the day or at a time when you can be relaxed, open, and not distracted or stressed by other factors going on around you.
  

• Pick your place – meeting in a neutral space that is private and comfortable is a better option for a difficult conversation. Meeting in your office or in their office may lead to feelings of being on my turf or your turf, which can also change the conversation’s dynamics.
  

• Stay open and ask questions – asking questions, particularly “how” and “what” questions, is a great way to get more information and to learn the other person’s perspective. When people are heard, they are more likely to remain calm and to be willing to consider alternatives than if they are only provided a limited option to share their perspective.
  

Always think in advance about how to end the conversation. What do you need the other person to agree to do, or what outcome do you want from the discussion? This helps to prevent the conversation from cycling around and around without creating any resolution to the issue.

Nearly all professionals lead really busy lives, managing multiple priorities at home and at work. It’s easy to let yourself get spread too thin, if you don’t master the art of saying no.

There are many reasons we say yes to things that we don’t really have time to do. Sometimes, we say yes because we don’t have a good grasp on how our time is spent, so we don’t really know that we are over committing. However, sometimes we say yes to things we don’t really have time for because we simply have trouble saying no, out of guilt or fear of letting someone down.

However, when we over commit ourselves, we often fail to do a really good job at any of the tasks we attempt. It is important to remember that it is better to do a few things really well than to do many things but do these poorly.

To help you determine which things you should say yes to and which you should weed out of your life, make a list of the things you are dedicated to supporting. In addition to your business, consider things in your home life and your community that you are passionate about. Perhaps you find it very important to volunteer at your child’s school, or you love to work with your local animal shelter. Those things are important to your personal happiness. In addition, it’s important to schedule enough time with your family and friends to properly maintain those relationships.

Once you have your list, write down the amount of time you believe you need to devote to each of these areas each week. Once you’re finished, you can easily see whether or not you have any time left in your week to take on additional activities. When your schedule is full, it’s full. If there are other activities you’d like to pursue, think about when your schedule will permit you to add these activities, but don’t commit until your schedule is really free. For example, if you volunteer at your child’s school during the school year, you could put a different activity into that timeslot over the summer when your child is on summer vacation.

By having this kind of control over your schedule, you will feel less guilty about saying no to other things, because you will truly understand where your time goes, and how much you have left over. This is when you know you have mastered the fine art of saying no.

The holiday season is often a time of reflection and when we pause to count our blessings. While it is traditional and important to give pause to be grateful at this time of year, it is even more important to create an overriding spirit of gratitude throughout the year.

During the course of our normal lives, it’s easy to get caught up in the details of life and fail to notice the little moments and the little blessings that make us realize how much we have to be grateful for. Here are some ways to increase your spirit of gratitude throughout the year.

1. Take focus off the “stuff”. It’s easy to focus our lives around having the latest gadgets, the newest cars or eating at the trendiest new restaurant. Even when we have plenty of money to do these things, the gratification they bring fades very quickly. When we base our sense of appreciation on having these things, we fall into a dangerous trap, because we feel very deprived without them. So, this year, begin focusing on experiences with the people you love, rather than things that cost money. Until you’ve made a conscious choice to take the focus off the “stuff” you can’t appreciate the value of two hours spent talking or watching a movie on the couch with someone you love.

2. Serve. An easy way to remind ourselves of how much we have to be grateful for is to serve in our communities. We gain a new perspective on our own blessings and we learn to appreciate how others live. In addition, serving in our communities gives us a purpose and pride that we can’t get anywhere else.

3. Tell others what you appreciate about them. The act of putting our appreciation into words can bring that appreciation into focus for us. When we begin to reflect on what to say to let others know we love them, we experience that love in full force, reminding ourselves of the people who make our lives special.

Practicing these three principles throughout the year can help ensure that you have a full time spirit of gratitude. Regularly taking the time to appreciate what you have and to express that appreciation to others is guaranteed to make your life richer and happier.

How Do Leaders Effectively Deal with Incivility?

by Cindy Stradling CSP, CPC

More and more I am hearing from leaders the challenges they are experiencing with workplace incivility.  This wasn’t a term I had really heard too much until recently.  Wikipedia defines it as “low-intensity deviant behavior” with ambiguous intent to harm the target. There is a difference between harassment, violence and incivility.  The behaviours that are normally associated with incivility include insulting or rude comments, telling lies about other people, spreading false rumors, social isolation and just plain bad manners.

So what is the leader of an organization to do? Don’t they have more important things to attend to then what some might consider petty. Nothing could be further from the truth. This type of behaviour can have a negative impact on morale, relationships and ultimately the bottom line.

One of our alliance partners has been working with a number of organizations in both the public and private sectors, bringing awareness and education to their organizations.  For those companies who are working with her they are experiencing higher levels of engagement and productivity, not to mention happier employees.

According to The Cost of Bad Behavior by Christine Pearson and Christine Porath, it is far more widespread than people realize—and incivility in the workplace has devastating effects. Here are just a few of the statistics from their research study of 800 employers:

• 96 percent have experienced incivility at work
• 48 percent of employees claim they were treated uncivilly at work at least once a week
• 10 percent said they witnessed civility every day
• 94 percent of workers who are treated uncivilly say they get even with their offenders

What a actions and behaviours are considered to be uncivil in the workplace?

• When an employee deliberately destroys an employee’s reputation
• Telling lies behind someone’s back
• Being obnoxious or rude
• Not providing all the information when they have it (purposely withholding)
• Even simple things like: not use manners such a please and thank you, interrupting or ignoring, checking text or email messages in a meeting, or arriving late to  a meeting (generally overall being disrespectful of colleagues, managers and sometimes even customers)

There is a lot of time and money invested every year by powerful leadership teams who want to create a more engaged workplace and it can be a waste of time and resources if the culture is not one of respect.  Teams that work in an environment that is disrespectful, often experience higher levels of stress and lower morale.  Sick time increases and in some cases it can create angry employees prone to outbursts.  Creating a civil workplace is not only good for the employees it is good for business and customer service.

Here are a few tips on how to create a more respectful workplace:

1. Increasing Awareness
By recognizing that incivility is an issue, it is time for the leaders to step up, acknowledge that it is happening and educate your employees.  A lot of people don’t realize what is actually going on and causing them so my frustration at work. Leaders need to talk about what it is and what it looks like. There is a lot of research on the impact of incivility, this information needs to  shared.

2. Workplace Standards Need to be Created
Create and publish clear, written standards for acceptable behavior and not acceptable behaviour. The Leaders in your organization must participate fully in the creation process and most importantly model the behaviour they want to see.  Emphasize the importance of consistency in the respect for employees. It is a great idea to include civility as one of your values.

 3. Training and Coaching
This step in critical to raise awareness as some folks may not view their behaviour as uncivil.  Making sure employees know with certainty what is considered acceptable behaviour and what is not.

 4. Open Communication and Feedback
Effective leaders know the importance of open communication and feedback. They need to set the standard and demonstrate what that standard looks like during every day activities.  Employees need to feel safe in providing feedback at those times when incivility takes place.  This is critical to the success of the program.Working in a civil workplace is good for workers, customers, leadership team and the organization as a whole.  Many organizations are making the creation and maintenance of a respectful workplace standards part of their goals and values.

Building Amazing Teams

by Cindy Stradling CSP, CPC

Through all the research I have done and in my personal experience I have found there are many factors required to build amazing teams.  The key one is communication, which is really not surprising because it is the key to any great relationship, whether in a personal or professional context. 

Often when I speak to clients about their particular situation when they are looking at having a team development session delivered, they frequently want the same results.  They want their teams to develop more cohesive, a new level of respect for each other’s differences and a bond of trust that allows for open and authentic communication.  There are many ways to design programs and exercises that can create these outcomes. 

The most important step is to tie the outcomes of any training initiative to the company’s mission and vision.  By doing this, it gives people the tools and skills to learn to walk the talk and everyone is working for a common goal.  When leaders clearly define what they want to create with their team, there is a higher likelihood that the learning will transfer back to the work place. 

Effective leaders know that building an amazing team something that needs to be worked at everyday, not just when they are engaged in team building activities.

Here are my recommendations to building an amazing team:

• Team members have a clear understanding of their role on a team and they understand what is expected of them
• They have Team Operating Agreement (or sometimes called a Code of Conduct) – this is an agreed upon set of rules on how the team members will interact and communicate with each other.
• Team members are empowered to make some of their own decisions (this is of course once they have the adequate training, experience and skills)
• They have a sense of collaboration – that everyone feels they are an important part of the bigger picture
• Effective teams have excellent communication skills – they are able to give and receive honest feedback
• There are opportunities for individual growth and continuous learning
• Encourage social interaction with the team members – a pub night out can go a long way to building deeper relationships (of course this is only if any drinking is kept to a minimum)
• There are opportunities for team members to express their creativity
• A sense of fair play needs to be present – that everyone has the same opportunities to advance and that everyone is treated equally
• Leaders need to provide ongoing feedback on what is working and not working, not just once a year during appraisal time

Acknowledgement for a job well done goes a long way to encourage employees and teams .  It is also important to acknowledge when someone takes initiative to make things better. This will encourage others to attempt new more efficient ways to do things.

For the month of September I thought I would make it “Ten Tips Month.”   I will share with our readers ten tips to enhance team building ideas, customer service skills, leadership development and sales coaching skills.  Some of these tips may be new ideas to you and others may be reminders of the importance of the things you are already doing.   As I say in my workshops “We all know things, what is most important is what we do with what we know.”

Customer Service

Building and maintaining excellent customer service takes focus and due diligence.  Every customer interaction has the opportunity to communicate how much your organization cares. 

1)      Good enough never is – I love this saying by the Debbi Fields the founder of Mrs. Fields Cookies.  If you ever hear yourself say “good enough” stop and ask yourself “Has this been done to the best of my ability?” or “Has this been done the way it was meant to be done?”

2)      First impressions count – The saying “Your never get a second chance to make a positive first impression” is very true and I think companies need to have a great “first impression” attitude always.  Your relationship with your customers can never be taken for granted or assume once you have them they will be loyal to you.  A few bad experiences can undo a positive “first impression” very quickly.

3)      Sweetest sound – Our name – people love to hear their name.  When interacting with a customer use their name at least once during the conversation.  Caution here, do not over use or it can actually have an adverse effect.

4)      Everyone is your brand 24/7 – sometimes in a workshop when I say this people look at me like I am crazy.  Think about it, you work all day in a company and you sing their praises, then go out for drinks with colleagues and bash and complain about the company.  What are you communicating to your colleagues or anyone else who might be listening?  It is my personal belief when you represent a company (we are all really in customer service) we need to be responsible about what we say both at work and during our time off – 24/7.

5)      Train your employees – give your employees the adequate training and resources to effectively manage all situations that may arise to satisfy any customer issues.  If there is the occasional situation that needs special attention, make sure your employees know the proper channels to go to so they can get things resolved quickly.

6)      Keep in the loop – most customers are understanding when things go wrong.  It is not so much that a problem has occurred, more important how it is handled.  If the situation takes time to resolve make sure you keep the customer updated daily so they are never left with the feeling that no one cares or you have forgotten them.

7)      Online reviews – customers may not complain to you directly and if you have a place for feedback on your website, they may feel more comfortable letting you know this way.  It is also a great practice to perform periodic satisfaction surveys.

8)      Track challenges – when there has been a challenge it is a good practice to debrief what happened and explore ways to change processes to prevent another occurrence.  By tracking and monitoring changes you will have an audit trail of your improvements.  Also letting a customer know that you have addressed the issue will show them you take their loyalty seriously.

9)      Apologize first – when there is a customer complaint – apologize first, then correct the problem.   By telling the customer you are sorry they had this experience, it will show you are willing to take responsibility and it also lets the customer know they were heard.  In some situations the customer may be wrong but they should always have the feeling that you are there to support them.

10)   Employee input – often managers miss the opportunity to solve some of their customer service issues by not asking employees their input.  I learned this the hard way, years ago when I was a Customer Service Manager of a manufacturing company.  I thought I had to have all the answers and solutions.  Not so.  Once I started to ask for suggestions, things moved a lot smoother and new procedures were implemented much quicker when the ideas came from the employees.

By Cindy Stradling CSP, CPC

Timing is Everything

When I initially called this manufacturing company two years ago the Human Resources Manager informed me that they only do internal training and never outsourced.  At the time I sent her the information on our training alliance and I said I would follow up.  I called a year later and the situation was still the same.  I called again this past spring and everything had changed.  There was a new person in Human Resources who was delighted that I called her.  She said they had recently does an assessment with their first line supervisors and managers to identify any training gaps.  I booked an appointment to meet with her.  During the assessment I discovered that although they had done their training internally in the past, it primarily consisted of mandatory health and safety training.

She shared that most of their front line supervisors and managers had been promoted from within. None of them had any formal training on how to be effective leaders.  She shared about a specific incident that a supervisor had given an employee a great review and then 2 months later wanted to fire them for poor performance.  She interviewed this particular manager only to find out the reason he gave him such a great review was because he was uncomfortable giving feedback on the areas where the employee was not performing.  The Human Resources Manager knew this was just one of the many areas where these supervisors and managers lacked the training and skills to be effective.

Together we confirmed they needed to have basic training in the following areas:

• Giving feedback
• Handling difficult conversations and confrontation
• Delegation
• Time/priority management
• Communication skills.

I connected her with one of my alliance partner who has extensive experience working with supervisors and managers within an organization.  The first round of programs has been completed successfully and a conversation recently with the plant manager confirmed that the training we provided was exactly what they needed.  We are meeting again in the fall to discuss the next level of training for these supervisors and managers.  The Human Resources Manager shared with me in our last conversation how perfect the timing was that I called and how easy we made it for her to address their immediate needs.

By
Cindy Stradling CSP, CPC

Six Pillars of Self Esteem – The Practice of Living 3, 4 & 5

As a coach, I often get asked the question “What do you think the biggest take away is for the people that you have coached?”  Obviously it varies from person to person, and the most common feedback I hear is coaches say they have more self confidence and a higher level of self esteem.  I know for me personally this is true as well.  Several years ago I read the book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden. The information in this book has stayed with me and has helped influence my coaching style. The June blogs will highlight each of the pillars and provide an exercise at the end of each one.

Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – The practice of living:

Pillar # 3 – Self-responsibility

• Willingness to take responsibility for your actions and the attainment of your goals.

• To practice self-responsibility is to think for your self.  To think for your self is to live consciously, to exercise one’s own mind

• Only take responsibility for the things you can control.  If you hold yourself responsible for matters beyond your control, you jeopardize your self-esteem since you will fail to be conscious about reality and will fail to meet your expectations.

• Evading responsibility inflicts wounds on your self-esteem.  Accepting responsibility builds self-esteem

• It isn’t what you think, it’s what you know.

Exercise for Pillar #3

Complete the sentence: Self Responsibility means to me…  

Complete the sentence: When I avoid responsibility for my own existence…

Pillar #4 – Self-assertiveness 

·         Honoring you wants, needs and values and seeking appropriate forms of their expression in reality.

·         To have the right to exist.

·         To know your life belongs to you.

·         To have the courage to be who you are.  The aim is for self-expression not self-justification.

·         One way to build self-esteem – be assertive when it is not easy to do so.

Exercise for Pillar #4

Complete the sentence: Self Assertiveness means to me…  

Complete the sentence: If I had the courage to treat my wants and needs as important

Pillar # 5 – Living purposefully

·         To use our powers for the attainment of goals.  This will energize our existence.

·         To live purposefully means to live at a high level of consciousness.

·         To live without purpose is to live at the mercy of change – we have no standard by which to judge what is or is not worth doing.  No initiative of our own to set a specific course.  We are reactive rather than proactive.

·         The root of our self-esteem is not our achievements but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve.

·         It is the process of achieving that makes us productive and productive work builds our self-esteem.

·         The purposes that move us need to be specific if they are to be realized.  This way we can monitor our progress, compare our intentions with results, modify your strategy or tactics in response to new information (reality and being open to this new information), and being accountable for the results you produce.

·         We need to know what we want and where we wish to go.

·         To live and act by intention.

Exercise for Pillar #5

Complete the sentence: Living Purposefully means to me…  

Complete the sentence: If any of what I have been writing is true, it might be helpful if I…