Eye contact is considered a central part of nonverbal communication. While the expectations around eye contact vary between cultures, it is often considered to be a key factor in building trust and showing honesty during communication.

Research shows that eye contact is more than just a polite form of paying attention and signaling that you are listening. In fact, when people look directly at each other’s eyes, they activate the limbic mirror system. This mirroring causes the same neurons to fire in the two brains, which is linked to the development of empathy or shared emotions during communication.

In-Person Meetings

Maintaining eye contact in a personal meeting when you are both physically present in the room can sometimes be awkward, particularly if you are meeting a client for the first time.

The good news is that you do not have to stare directly into the other person’s eyes. In fact, a direct gaze when the other person is speaking signals that you are listening. Make eye contact when first greeting the individual and before you begin talking or reach out to shake their hand.

During the conversation, hold the gaze for up to five seconds, and then you can move your eyes away naturally. If the person is gesturing with their hands or pointing something out, it is very natural to look in that direction. Then, return your gaze.

When breaking your gaze, look to the side and more your eyes slowly and deliberately. Breaking the gaze quickly and darting your eyes back and forth or dropping your gaze can be taken as signs of dishonesty or discomfort.

Virtual Meetings

Nothing is more distracting and off-putting than meeting with someone online looking up, down, or to the side during their presentation or comment. Unfortunately, incorrect placement of the virtual meeting screen and the camera can make it very difficult to make eye contact.

To avoid this problem, look into the camera and not directly at the people on the meeting. If possible, use an external camera that is centered and at a natural eye level with the screen, giving the attendees the impression you are gazing directly at them.

Turn the virtual meeting screen to speaker view and avoid looking off to the side or up and down at the various people, which is something we would naturally do during an in-person conversation. Holding our gaze steady on the camera helps to ensure all attendees feel you are speaking directly to them and making critical eye contact throughout the discussion.

Although eye contact is a cultural issue, and not all cultures use eye contact in the same way, it is generally considered a good thing in sales. It is a technique that needs to be used with caution, as too much direct eye contact can also be uncomfortable for many people.

As a sales professional, using eye contact is important to convey your sincerity and interest in the customer. It also projects your sense of honesty, trustworthiness, and commitment to the other person. It is also a way to connect with the other person on a more personal level by providing your undivided attention.

An Eye Contact Experiment

A quick way to understand how eye contact impacts a conversation is to do an experiment with a loved one, friend, or colleague. Start a conversation with the individual and maintain natural eye contact. This includes looking into their eyes when they are talking and maintaining that contact comfortably when you are sharing information.

Note their engagement. Do they maintain eye contact and “lean into” the communication? Do they seem interested and focused on what you are saying?

Now, break eye contact but continue the conversation with the same tone, cadence, and topic. Look to the side, look down, check your phone, or gaze around the room at others. What happens to the conversation? Do they stop communicating as effectively or do they shut off their contribution to the conversation?

Take a few minutes and ask the other person what that experience was like for them. Listen carefully to the differences they felt in the communication between eye contact and no eye contact. This is exactly the same experience as customers have during a sales call.

Eye Contact Online

With so many sales conversations happening virtually through online platforms such as Zoom, Skype, Microsoft Teams, and other systems, it is essential to create a sense of eye contact through the online experience.

Take the time and position the web camera so you are looking directly into the camera lens. This creates the impression for the other people on the call that you are looking into their eyes.

Additionally, check your lighting. It should be in front of your screen, not behind you. This lights up your face and allows easy visibility of your eyes. If the light is behind you, you will appear dark and in shadows, which creates a barrier to effective eye contact.

Does Your Verbal and Non Verbal Communication Jive?

by Cindy Stradling CSP, CPC

We all know that we communicate both verbally and non verbally.  Even when we are not talking, we are communicating with our bodies.  This includes our gestures, eye contact, facial expressions and even how we are standing/sitting (posture).

Have you ever had the experience when someone was telling you something and there was something “kind of off” or you weren’t quite sure why but you didn’t connect with their message.  Often this is because our non-verbal communication actually speaks louder than the words we use.

According to Albert Mehrabian, best known for his publications on the relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages,  he stated that  7% of our communication is the words we use, 38% is based on the tone of our voice and the remaining  55% is our non verbal communication.  We cannot fake our non verbal communication and when there is a disconnect in messaging, the listener will more often than not will believe the non verbal.

I can remember my first management job where the Purchasing agent reported to me.  She would often leave my office looking confused and frustrated.  I thought she was just going through something in her personal life and really didn’t think too much of it.  One day she came into my office and presented me with her resignation, I was shocked.  I thought she was doing a great job and I thought we got along well.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  She explained that she couldn’t work for me anymore because the words I used communicated that she could take her time to finish projects but my tone and body language communicated that I wanted it done NOW!  She said she actually felt like I was screaming at her.  That was a big eye opener for me as I wasn’t aware of the mixed messages I was sending her.  From then on I was very careful to make sure what I was communicating both non verbally and verbally was what I wanted to say.  This was no easy task as we do so much of our non verbal unconsciously.  I did some research on the topic and found out very quickly I was not alone, many people have faced this same challenge.  I learned that how others perceive and respect you has a lot to do with your non verbal skills, not just when you are giving a presentation, but how you communicate every day.

One of the ways to manage your non verbal communication is to learn to manage your stress levels.  If you have to communicate with someone when you are really stressed out, it is best to take a break first.   Because our emotions control our non verbal language you can actually send a mixed or confusing message to your listener when you are stressed.   One of the recommendations is to develop your emotional awareness.  By being tuned into your own emotional state, it will help you accurately read others body language, respond appropriately showing you are listening and create trust by sending congruent messages. 

Here are a few tips to evaluate non verbal communication:

• Tone of Voice – how intense is it?  Is it warm?  Does the person sound strained or confident? Is there care or concern in their voice?
• Eye Contact – is the amount of eye contact comfortable or does it feel intense?
• Posture – how are the standing/sitting?  Do they look relaxed or uptight and stiff?
• Timing – does the conversation flow easily and do the non verbal cues support the flow?

The one thing I have learned over the years is to trust my instincts when it comes to listening to whole person.  If my instincts tell me something is not quite right I believe them.

I recommend doing your own emotional awareness assessment to make sure when you communicate your message will be heard, understood and believed.

Listening for More Holiday Fun

by Carrol Suzuki

The holiday season brings more opportunities to practice your listening skills.

Whether it’s at the office party or the family dinner, you just might find yourself sitting next to someone you don’t know well or someone you see only once a year.

Why not make every conversation more enjoyable for you and the person beside you?  The two key words are ENGAGE and FUN.

Eye contact – show the person they have your undivided attention

Name – use the person’s name in the conversation to give it a more personal feel

Guest – make the person feel like a special guest by really listening

Ask questions – that encourage the person to tell you more about something that interests you

Good host – focus on the person speaking, not on bringing the conversation back to you

Echo and ask – ask a question based on something the person has just said

Forget advice – avoid saying anything that sounds like advice.  It’s not appropriate with someone you don’t know well (and tricky even with those you do know well)

Unbelievable – feel free to use short responses to show you’re listening, like “unbelievable” or “That’s amazing”.  Make sure your comments are sincere.

No judgment – avoid any response that sounds judgmental (“I would never do that” or “Why would you think that?”).  Give praise or a compliment instead.

When you really engage someone in conversation by using your listening skills, you’re giving the best gift anyone could receive this holiday season.